


I Miss You

by SnowFlakeSunSet



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Emotions, Jim is bad at feelings, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Nobody Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 20:29:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1996794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowFlakeSunSet/pseuds/SnowFlakeSunSet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of cuddly angst for you. Jim thinks Sebastian knows he's alive, he doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Miss You

Jim smiled softly to himself as his phone beeped happily. That ringtone meant that Sebby had texted him. He loved it that Seb knew he was still alive even without being told. Sebastian didn’t text very often, just little things, little things that made Jim feel warm inside. Seb texted ‘I miss you’ a lot and sometimes it was so tempting to reply with ‘I miss you too’ but he never did. Jim opened the message and waited for the rush of warmth as he heard Seb’s voice in his head. It didn’t come.

‘Sorry I kept you waiting, I’ll be with you soon.’

It took far longer than it should for Jim to process what it meant. Sebby didn’t know he was alive after all. Sebby hadn’t known. Sebby thought he was dead. Sebby thought he would be joining him. Sebby was going to kill himself. Jim had been punched many times but none had ever hit him as hard as that single realisation. 

He knocked over the desk in his haste to get out. To get to Sebastian. The angry people he was meeting with didn’t matter. Sebastian mattered. Sebastian not being dead mattered. It mattered a lot that Sebastian was still alive. Sebastian was still at their lovely little apartment. It was boring and average and perfect because it was theirs and that made Jim happy. Sebastian made Jim happy. Sebastian made Jim fell warm and safe. Sebastian made Jim feel all sorts of things. Jim never wanted Sebastian to make him feel this way ever again.

Jim burst through the door, eyes frantic. The bang of the door handle hitting the wall startles Sebastian just long enough for Jim. He snatched the gun out of Sebastian’s hand and launched it out of the window before clutching the taller man close and clinging to him. He had no idea what to do with the horrible, burning, twisting, aching, desperate agony that still consumed him at the thought of his Seb dying. He opened his mouth to speak but there weren’t words so he dug his fingers deeper into the soft fabric of Sebastian’s shirt. There was no way to articulate what was happening to him, he had no idea what was happening to him. He felt more than he had ever felt in his life and it was unbearable. He nudged Sebastian’s jaw with his nose and pressed his lips to Sebastian’s neck for a second. He trembled and gripped the sniper tighter. His chest felt so tight and his stomach was twisted into aching knots. It was so difficult to breath. He couldn’t think. His mind was terrified into silence.

“Sorry, so sorry.” He whispered.

“Jim?” Seb’s voice was so quiet. “You’re dead.”

“Is this… Is this what you felt? For years?” Pulling back a little but still keeping a firm, painful grip of every part of Sebastian he could touch, Jim looked up into the haunted, hollow eyes of the man he loved more than anything else in all the world. He felt moisture on his cheeks. Raising a trembling hand, he tentatively touched the tears as they silently overflowed. He hurt everywhere. In the worst sort of way. In a way he had never even been able to imagine. He clenched and unclenched his jaw before curling back up into Seb’s chest. He needed to feel the slightly elevated heart rate beneath his ear as his brain began to function again. He wished it hadn’t. It supplied him the images of being second too late, of Sebastian pulling the trigger just as he opened the door, of seeing surprise in Sebby’s eyes before the life left them, of seeing the blood and hearing the sickening thump of a body hitting the ground. If he had been just a few second later he would have lost Sebastian forever and that was something he could not deal with. “Sorry. Didn’t know. Didn’t understand. It hurts. Sebby? You texted me, I thought you knew, thought you’d worked it out. I thought you knew.” Jim murmured half formed thoughts and sentences into the snipers now heaving chest. Strong arms wrapped round Jim’s back, holding him too tightly in a crushing grip, but anything less wouldn’t be worth it. Hot tears landed on the top of Jims head as Sebastian’s entire body convulsed with silent sobs. His fingers slid into Jim’s hair and pressed the smaller man ever more tightly to his chest. They would both have finger shaped bruises on their arms in the morning but, they would both be there in the morning so nothing else mattered.

“I missed you so much Jim, so much.”

“I missed you too.”

At some point in the hours that followed their legs gave out and they sank to the floor together. Still wound painfully round each other. Jim had shifted so he was sat on Sebastian’s thighs while the sniper knelt awkwardly with his feet on either side of him instead of tucked underneath. They didn’t talk. Not really. Every now and again one of them would whisper and apology or ‘I miss you’ or ever ‘I love you’ which although never having been said by either one before, took neither man by surprise. They remained curled round each other, sharing occasional soft kisses, until well into the next day. They had watched the sun rise together, Jim’s head tucked under Sebastian’s chin. They had both ignored Jim’s phone going off every few minutes and they had reverently vowed to never keep secrets from one another again. Jim knew that applied more to him than Sebastian. He could deal with that. He would tell Sebastian anything and everything if it meant never having to feel pain like that ever again. Sebastian would know every detail of every plan as long as Jim got to curl up in his arms every night.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've posted on this site, I hope you liked it :) It's been sitting around for a while and I thought it was about time I posted it.
> 
> If you see any mistakes please tell me, but be nice about it please.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
